HT MacDiarmid lives and works in Reno, Nevada. He graduated with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in Studio Art with an emphasis in Photography in 2018 from the University of Nevada, Reno. He has exhibited in solo and group exhibitions at the Holland Project in Reno from 2015 on. He helped organize and curate for the Reno gallery, window mine from 2020 through 2022.

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Stern Numb

More Light No More
June 2022

I was exploring a flood tunnel underground. The tunnel opened up to a chamber where I could stand. The chamber led to another tunnel. Above the entrance was graffiti sloppily written with red spray paint spelling out, “DANGER DO NOT ENTER, SERIOUSLY TURN BACK NOW.” I stand there staring at the writing on the wall, not quite sure what to do. I imagine myself writing this tag, for no good reason. I would write it knowing that nothing was actually dangerous down the tunnel. I would write it just to create a dilemma for future tunnel goers. But now I find myself in that particular dilemma having to evaluate if this message is a sincere warning or rather a crude joke to question my exploration. Is the risk worth the reward? I suppose not. If it is a crude joke, then I go through the tunnel just to crawl in the dark some more. Or is it a ploy to stop people from trespassing further because there is something of value to experience. I doubt that. This tunnel has a history of people exploring it, so if there was something down there it would most likely already be gone. Why did I do this alone? Whatever decision I choose I will regret; I will keep questioning what could have been. If I continue and there is something dangerous then I will regret not having sincere intentions in my decision, believing in the worst of people to make a joke. But if I go back, I will wonder what is down there, if anything at all, I suppose that is why I am exploring these tunnels in the first place to see what could be, full knowing I'm just crawling in the dark exaggerating my slight claustrophobia with tight concrete walls. There is merit in making yourself suffer, it is an experience, I guess, is this what it's all about, the process? Nothing will come of this journey. I am crawling these tunnels for no real achievement in mind, but I don’t want to risk getting hurt even more than I am, or do I? Is the risk worth the punishment?